ADDICTION
HAS MANY FACES-- AND HANDS
"Addiction"
Lily Nathan
DEAR
READERS,
THIS
ARTICLE INCLUDE THE OLD SITE'S ARTICLES ON eBay ADDICTION
ISSUES, FINANCIAL RECOVERY, AND SELF HELP RESOURCES. I'LL
BE WRITING MORE ABOUT ADDICTION. I ALSO REFER YOU TO MY BOOK, STEPPING OFF THE EDGE, WHICH HAS SEVERAL CHAPTERS
ON MY eBay ADDICTION AND HOW I TAMED IT.
ADDICTION
ATTACKS WHEN LEAST EXPECTED
"Angst"
Charcoal on paper by Lily Nathan
On
line addiction is a new area of study. When psychologists
began to see people addicted to on- line activities in their
practices, other problems brought them to therapy-- work performance.
Relationships. Spending. Sexual difficulties. As more patients
appeared and their stories unfolded, therapists realized that
the presenting symptoms pointed to a different underlying
problem: On line addiction. When mental health professionals
initially reported their suspicions to their peers, the psychological
community let out a giant guffaw! On line addiction! What
a joke!
Not
too many years and many personal tragedies later, the psychological
community is taking notice. Dr. David N. Greenfield conducted
probably the largest survey of Internet use and abuse. Analyzing
the results of a survey with over 18 million respondents,
Greenfield concluded that perhaps 6% of Internet users are addicted, while as many as 40% may be abusive in their use patterns. In defining addiction, Greenfield requires
that, as in other addictions, a user develops tolerance,
where greater exposure is necessary to achieve the same "hit",
and withdrawal symptoms, such as rage and irrational
behavior, when use is curtailed. (See Greenfield, in the readings
below. P. 18) What do these rates of addiction mean? They
mean a lot of people are getting hooked, and as the use of
the Internet grows, many more will follow.
What
does this have to do with on-line auctions? USA Today said
it perfectly, "Take the thrill of gambling, the excitement
of computer games, the enjoyment of collecting, and the desire
to get a good deal, and sprinkle it with a little of the old
hunter-gatherer instinct. Suddenly, you've got several million
people hooked on the on-line auctions" (USA Today, Mar. 10, 1999, p. 01A.) I've joked about addiction in
other articles on this site, H.A.Y.--
Horse Addicts of Yesterday, in particular. Now's the
time to get serious. I got more than I bargained for when
I got on eBay to check out a painting put up for sale by an
admired musician. I was hooked on on-line auctions in about
four days. In addition to costing me money and time, my compulsive
behavior scared my family. We will explore the process of
getting hooked and unhooked in an upcoming article.
If
you suspect you have an on-line problem, or are a loved one
of a person with such a problem, help is available. I got
unhooked from my addiction. Reading these books was the first
step.
YOU
HAVE TO GET INTO TROUBLE BEFORE YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT
The
first day this mare was ridden, she threw our trainer twice....
She is now a reliable, trustworthy riding horse.
If an animal whose brain is the size of a walnut can handle
her behavioral problem, so can you.
(By the way, Tony isn't pulling on her to get her to do that
or doing anything cruel: He's falling off. This is an out
of control situation: It happens around horses.)
And people.)
READINGS:
I
began researching the topic of online addiction as I became
more aware of my problem. I found these books most useful.
You can click on the title and buy the book through Amazon.
Our Amazon rebates go to charity.
VIRTUAL
ADDICTION: Help for Netheads, Cyberfreaks, and Those Who Love
Them. David N. Greenfield,
Ph. D Dr.
Greenfield is a clinical psychologist, founder of a multidisciplinary
behavioral practice in Connecticut. He is one of the pioneers
in detecting and treating Internet addiction, conducting one
of the largest surveys on Internet use: the ABC News.com Internet
Addiction Survey. I initially read about him in a magazine
article. Dr. Greenfield knows his subject inside out. He's
personally aware of the online pull. He offers great information,
great self help techniques. I inhaled this book. It was one
of my early steps to recovery. The book is user friendly and
easy to read..
CAUGHT
IN THE NET: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction
and a Winning Strategy for Recovery. Dr.
Kimberley S. Young. Like
Dr. Greenfield, Dr. Young is a pioneer in detection and treatment
of Internet addiction. She also authored a survey of Internet
abuse, finding it analogous to gambling addiction. Like Dr.
Greenfield's book, I found this book horrifying and absolutely
necessary reading. I inhaled it. Dr. Young is a clinical psychologist
with wide and deep experience. She is personally familiar
with the pull of the Web and offers great info and a self
help plan. This book has a slightly different feel than Dr.
Greenfield's, coming from a different person. I recommend
them both. This book is also user friendly and easy to read.
THE
PSYCHOLOGY OF THE INTERNET. Patricia
Wallace. This
book approaches the Internet from a different direction. Dr.
Wallace is Executive Director of the Center for Knowledge
and Information management a the Robert H. Smith School of
Business, University of Maryland. Dr. Wallace is not so specifically
interested in addiction as what happens on the Net psychologically.
The Net is new territory-- we don't have research based studies
on why people do what they do on line. Dr. Wallace gives a
fascinating and professional look at the personal dynamics
of the Web, covering a broad range of topics: Aggression:
flaming and fighting-- why? Increased and rapid intimacy over
the Net. Disinhibition: why people tell all and do all with
On-line communities. Differences in male and female use and
abuse. Pornography-- how much and how dangerous? The Web as
opportunity for entrepreneurial success. The web as time waster.
On line addictions. This book is a harder read than the previous
two, but necessary if you want to get the full picture on
the psychological impact of the Net.
CAN'T
BUY ME LOVE: Freedom From Compulsive Spending and Money Obsession, Sally Coleman, MA, N.C.A.C., and Nancy Hull-Mast. This
is a great self help book for those with spending problems.
It's not aimed specifically at on line shopping and auctions,
but its content can be easily adapted to cover those areas.
This book is easy to read, explains the psychological origin
and development of spending problems, and gives great self
help pointers. Ms. Coleman is a staff psychotherapist and
coordinator of addiction services at the University of Notre
Dame Counseling Center. Ms. Hull-Mast is a writer with training
in addictions and counseling.
I
SHOP, THEREFORE I AM: Compulsive Buying & The Search For
Self, April Lane Benson, Editor. This group
of readings is intended for mental health professionals and
those treating compulsive spending disorders. It is the hardest
read presented here, and in many ways the most satisfying.
This goes DEEP. Also wide, covering every aspect of compulsive
spending and recovery you can think of. There's an article
on collecting-- the new religion-- that should be posted
on all on-line auction bulletin boards. It also should be
published the major interior design magazines. It would cause
a riot, of course, exposing the not too pretty psychological
roots of the collecting compulsion. I was delighted to discover
a chapter by a good friend of mine, Karen McCall, who does
financial recovery counseling. We'll talk to Karen in the
section on Financial Recovery.
WHEN
SOCIETY BECOMES AN ADDICT, Anne
Wilson Schaef. What
if you took the sum of the substance addictions, behavioral
addictions (such as compulsive spending, overworking, obsession
with money/success/things, sex, relationships) & the interpersonal
glue that holds it all together (codependent systems, denial,
the whole ball of wax)? What if you took that sum and it equaled
modern society? Anne Schaef finds just that in this fascinating
book combining gender models, addiction treatment theories
and a broad view of addiction. Schaef presents a new way of
life which is not addiction based. A New York Times Bestseller.
YOUR
MONEY OR YOUR LIFE, Joe Domingues
and Vicki Robin. A
wonderful book that challenges the basis of contemporary society.
Presents a nine step approach to reclaiming your life. Is
your life about making money? Do you feel lost in the
cracks? The authors gave up successful careers to gain control
of their finances and live with greater meaning. This is the
classic on the new morality of money management. Talks about
getting out of debt and developing savings, reordering material
priorities to live well with less, values based spending,
and much more. Great how-to advice. A life changer and life
maker.
My
warmest wishes and prayers on your journey to recovery. SN
Copy
right 2001-2011. Sandra Nathan, All rights reserved.
BUY SANDY NATHAN'S BOOKS:
Stepping Off the Edge has two chapters on beating eBay addition.
 |
STEPPING OFF THE EDGE: LEARNING & LIVING SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
A MODERN SPIRITUAL COMPANION
|
 |
NUMENON
A TALE OF MYSTICIAM & MONEY MENON
"BILL GATES MEETS DON JUAN." |
 |
TECOLOTE: THE LITTLE HORSE THAT COULD
BORN PREMATURELY ON A FREEZING NIGHT, THE COLT HAD TO FIGHT FOR HIS LIFE. |
 |
THE ANGEL & THE BROWN-EYED BOY
A FUTURE WORLD ONLY HEARTBEATS FROM OUR OWN |
Click the covers above to go Sandy Nathan's books on the Amazon Kindle store. All Kindle books are 99 cents.
They are also available as print books at Amazon.
The Angel and Numenon are also at the Nook store. The Angel is an iBook, as well. |
FINANCIAL
RECOVERY RESOURCES
Dear
Readers,
I've
been posting these articles as I finish them. Writing has
taken longer than I hoped. Meanwhile, it's come to my attention
that people are suffering and need these resources. I'm putting
this article on Financial Recovery up now as a reading list.
A full article will be posted later.
Best
wishes,
Sandy
Nathan
READINGS
ON FINANCIAL RECOVERY:
WHEN
SOCIETY BECOMES AN ADDICT, Anne
Wilson Schaef. What
if you took the sum of the substance addictions, behavioral
addictions (such as compulsive spending, overworking, obsession
with money/success/things, sex, relationships) & the interpersonal
glue that holds it all together (codependent systems, denial,
the whole ball of wax)? What if you took that sum and it equaled
modern society? Anne Schaef finds just that in this fascinating
book combining gender models, addiction treatment theories
and a broad view of addiction. Schaef presents a new way of
life which is not addiction
based. A New York Times Bestseller.
ESCAPE
FROM INTIMACY, Anne Wilson Schaef. Schaef
tackles the "love" addictions here: Sex, romance
and relationships. Schaef talks about the difference between
compulsive pursuit of sexual and romantic highs, the need
to be in a relationship ( any relationship), and true
intimacy. Get rid of these, and we'll lose popular music.
Alas. Also most of TV and Hollywood. We'll gain our selves
and real love between people. Shaef clearly defines the addictions
and what we need to do to break free.
YOUR
MONEY OR YOUR LIFE, Joe Domingues
and Vicki Robin. A
wonderful book that challenges the basis of contemporary society.
Presents a nine step approach to reclaiming your life. Is
your life about making money? Do you feel lost in the
cracks? The authors gave up successful careers to gain control
of their finances and live with greater meaning. This is the
classic on the new morality of money management. Talks about
getting out of debt and developing savings, reordering material
priorities to live well with less, values based spending,
and much more. Great how-to advice.
HOW
TO GET CONTROL OF YOUR TIME AND YOUR LIFE, Alan Lakein. The most popular time management book written. To save time,
read pages 158, 30, and 11. I read this 20 years ago. Bought
it again. It's still fantastic. Worth owning.
HOW
TO GET OUT OF DEBT, STAY OUT OF DEBT & LIVE PROSPEROUSLY, Jerrold Mundis, Another
classic, Mundis' book is based on the principles of Debtors
Anonymous. Tells how to recognize warnings of serious debt
problems and head them off. How to negotiate with collection
agencies, etc. How to pay off debts. How to maintain debt
free status. You can do it, folks! Start here.
EARN
WHAT YOU DESERVE: How to Stop Underearning & Start Thriving, Jerrold Mundis. Repeats some of his first book, but tackles
the topic of "underearning": Perfectly capable,
smart people who earn less than they might. Fit anyone you
know? Presents techniques to remedy this.
SELF
HELP RESOURCES
Spurs
Magazine provides the following self help resources for your
information. While we know many people who have been helped
by such groups, we cannot be responsible for your experience
with them. We have attempted to make this list as accurate
as possible, but do not guarantee it's accuracy. Readers should
exercise sound judgment when accessing websites or using the
resources presented here.
| Recovering
Couples Anonymous |
314-397-0867 |
www.recovering-couples.org |
| Sexaholics
Anonymous (SA) |
615-331-6230 |
www.sa.org |
| Sex
Addicts Anonymous (SSA) |
800-477-8191 |
www.sexaa.org |
| Sex
& Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) |
781-255--8825 |
www.slaafws.org |
| Survivors
of Incest Anonymous (SIA) |
410-282-3400 |
www.siawso.org |
| Shopaholics
Ltd. |
212-675-4342 |
|
| Tough
Love |
800-333-1069 |
|
| Mothers
Against Drunk Driving(MADD) |
800-438-6233 |
|
| Students
Against Drunk Driving(SADD) |
508-481-3568 |
|
|
STEPPING OFF THE EDGE: LEARNING & LIVING SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
A MODERN SPIRITUAL COMPANION
|
|
NUMENON
A TALE OF MYSTICIAM & MONEY MENON
"BILL GATES MEETS DON JUAN." |
|
TECOLOTE: THE LITTLE HORSE THAT COULD
BORN PREMATURELY ON A FREEZING NIGHT, THE COLT HAD TO FIGHT FOR HIS LIFE. |
|
THE ANGEL & THE BROWN-EYED BOY
A FUTURE WORLD ONLY HEARTBEATS FROM OUR OWN |
Click the covers above to go Sandy Nathan's books on the Amazon Kindle store. All Kindle books are 99 cents.
They are also available as print books at Amazon.
The Angel and Numenon are also at the Nook store. The Angel is an iBook, as well
If you like these articles, you'll love my books. Click on the covers above and be transported.
Stepping Off the Edge has two chapters on getting into and out of eBay addiction.
AUTHOR SANDY NATHAN IS THE WINNER OF 17 NATIONAL AWARDS!
SANDY NATHAN
Click to go to sandynathan.com
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